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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24220621">All I ask</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannylove16/pseuds/dannylove16'>dannylove16</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awesome Shuri (Marvel), Boys In Love, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky is finally okay, Declarations Of Love, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Hurt Steve Rogers, I Tried, M/M, Mutual Pining, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Feels, a lot of feelings, she knows what's up, they figure it out</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:29:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24220621</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannylove16/pseuds/dannylove16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“There was a time when I thought… maybe Steve felt something for me, something like what you mean” he says, his eyes are glued to the soft grass under his body, the gentle sway of the strands to the wind, “It was during the war, a few weeks after the rescue in Azzano, we were twisting around in the tent, I was cold as ice and he was a living furnace” he smiles when he remembers that months before that moment, it was the other way around with them, “so, we were wrapped up around each other, alone in the tent, and after a long time of silence, I swear to god I heard him say ‘I love you, Buck’ ” </p><p>Shuri gasps quietly and he turns to look at her, a smile immediately forming on his face when he sees her completely invested in his story, she would only need a tub of ice cream and some tissues to make it look like she’s watching a tragic love story. Which… it kinda is, a least to Bucky.</p><p>“What did you say then?” she asks, urging him to go on. </p><p>Bucky swallows around the lump in his throat and looks down again before answering “Nothing. I pretended I was asleep.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I know there is no tomorrow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title taken from Adele's song "All I ask" cause I always felt like Bucky'd like that song and he'd want Steve to know how he feels even if it wasn't mutual. Which it is.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soft, careful footsteps were approaching his position, stopping uncertainly on two occasions, and he wondered if she was unsure of the doctors’ assessments, therefore afraid of him, or if she simply didn’t know if he wouldn’t want to be disturbed. </p>
<p>He shifted his body slightly and turned his head toward her in a silent invitation. </p>
<p>“Have you been enjoying your stay so far?” he heard the somewhat timid voice as she came closer to stand beside him. </p>
<p>Bucky teared his eyes away from the beautiful sunset in front of him and looked at the small princess. Shuri was wearing civilian clothes, unlike the first few times he encountered her before. </p>
<p>“It’s kinda hard not to when you have this view” he replied, once again looking out to the field.  </p>
<p>“There are always a few things that can dampen one’s mood”<br/>
At that, he arched an eyebrow and considered her more carefully. “What do you mean?” he asked, not even bothering to conceal his suspicions. </p>
<p>These days it was easier to let his emotions show on his face, he understood his need to remain with a blank expression was based upon the instinct of survival, if no one knew what he thought, no one could predict his next move. But, he wasn’t just the Winter Soldier anymore, even if that part of himself would always remain with him, he was also Bucky Barnes, and he was slowly but surely coming to terms with that. Being in this place, away from fights and people hunting him down, it was easier. </p>
<p>“Oh, nothing” she shrugged with a half-smile and looked ahead to the sun, orange and big hiding behind the hills of Wakanda. “Some people say the greatest views aren’t even that great if you don’t have someone to share them with” her voice is soft and, to some extent, knowing. </p>
<p>His mind briefly wanders to a pair of baby blue eyes, delicate mouth and rough hands. When he looks at Shuri again, she is definitely smirking at him; he narrows his eyes at her and she giggles. </p>
<p>He knows where this conversation is headed, and his first instinct is to shut it down before it even becomes a thing. He hasn’t talked about it and honestly, he doesn’t even know what he thinks, or how he feels. There’re so many encountered feelings surrounding that one person, and so many years have passed since… since he started thinking that maybe… </p>
<p>“You don’t need to read minds, you know? The yearning stares speak for themselves” the girl says with a pointed look, pulling him out of his thoughts. He hadn’t realized his hand was balled into a fist and his body was tense. “I only wonder if… you’re as blind to his eyes as he is to yours”. </p>
<p>“It’s complicated” he grumbles out. Shuri shakes her head gently. </p>
<p>“Thermonuclear science is complicated, Sergeant Barnes, love isn’t”</p>
<p>Bucky’s head snaps away and just like that, his brain takes him almost 80 years back in time when stupid Chad Hills accused Steve and Bucky of being in love while he and four other dudes threw stones at them both. He was pretty good when it came to defending himself (and Steve) from punches but this was different, all he could do was shield the small kid off with his own body, gritting his teeth at the pain of multiple rocks hitting him everywhere. </p>
<p>Shuri walks to stand directly in front of him and hesitantly puts her small hand on his right shoulder. </p>
<p>“It’s not like that these days, Mr. Barnes … not anymore”</p>
<p>He knew that, of course he did. He had all this information of the world changing as the years went by, he knew of all the revolutions and wars, he knew of the laws and decrees, he knew everything was different. He knew being gay was no longer frowned upon, at least not by the entire world, he knew they’d somehow be supported. Hell, he even learned he was as gay as they come, but still… </p>
<p>In the few months he passed running away from Hydra and Steve, he had lots of time to remember quite a few things about how life had been before the war, before he fell, and while he knew his friendship with Steve wasn’t the most conventional, what with them living together and the way they saw each other, he knew it hadn’t crossed the line, and he knew Steve liked girls.  </p>
<p>There was this one time, during the war… but it could’ve meant anything. He wasn’t sure he wanted to share it with the princess yet. </p>
<p>So, he just sighed and shook his head slightly. “Well, it’s still complicated, princess… He doesn’t feel the same way, so.”</p>
<p>“How do you know that? Something tells me you haven’t asked, so you can’t know” she suddenly drops to the floor, legs crossed under her tiny body. </p>
<p>Bucky feels weird standing above her, so he sits down as well. “I don’t need to ask, he was in love with Peggy 70 years ago, and then he fell in love with Peggy’s niece, of all people, 1 year ago” he explains reluctantly. </p>
<p>He said it ‘matter-of-factly’ but the truth is he hasn’t really let himself think about the kiss he saw Steve share with that blonde agent. In that moment there were infinitely more pressing matters to be occupied with, and in the few days since waking up here, he pointedly stayed away from thinking of him. It hadn’t been easy, and the princess wasn’t helping. </p>
<p>“Did the Captain tell you he was in love with either of them?” she asks after a while. </p>
<p>“Shuri, he didn’t need to, okay?” his tone is sharp and final, so she doesn’t reply. </p>
<p>He doesn’t mean to be so rude to her, she’s been nothing but welcoming and helpful, but this subject is just throwing him off and… he doesn’t feel ready to deal with this.<br/>
They sit there for about half an hour, both looking up as the stars begin to appear in the deep blue sky. When Bucky finally speaks, his voice is just above a whisper, but he’s sure Shuri can hear him. </p>
<p>“There was a time when I thought… maybe Steve felt something for me, something like what you mean” he says, his eyes are glued to the soft grass under his body, the gentle sway of the strands to the wind, “It was during the war, a few weeks after the rescue in Azzano, we were twisting around in the tent, I was cold as ice and he was a living furnace” he smiles when he remembers that months before that moment, it was the other way around with them, “so, we were wrapped up around each other, alone in the tent, and after a long time of silence, I swear to god I heard him say ‘I love you, Buck’ ” </p>
<p>Shuri gasps quietly and he turns to look at her, a smile immediately forming on his face when he sees her completely invested in his story, she would only need a tub of ice cream and some tissues to make it look like she’s watching a tragic love story. Which… it kinda is, a least to Bucky.</p>
<p>“What did you say then?” she asks, urging him to go on.<br/>
Bucky swallows around the lump in his throat and looks down again before answering “Nothing. I pretended I was asleep.” </p>
<p>Shuri groans and he chuckles lightly. “Why did you do that?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t know what to do with… you know…” he’s serious once again, brow furrowed as he tries to navigate through all his memories “We were fighting in a war, and as much as I denied it to Steve and even tried to deny it to myself, I knew something had happened to me while I was captured, I could feel it” he stared down at his own hand and made a fist with it again, this time out of frustration “I couldn’t deal with what Steve said, on top of everything else. I guess I just thought once we were back home, we’d…” </p>
<p>He couldn’t finish, his eyes started welling up and he quickly looked away, but Shuri knew anyway. To say Bucky was surprised to feel a tiny pair of arms carefully wrap around him would be an understatement, he was frozen in place for a few seconds before slumping against her a bit, his head leaning on top of hers. </p>
<p>“Thanks, princess” he murmured. </p>
<p>She hummed back and let go after a few more seconds, taking his face between her hands and looking him straight in the eye. Bucky thought for a moment that he didn’t know how an 18-year-old could look so wise, only to reprimand himself two seconds later, when a pair of blue eyes under a fringe of blond hair looked at him the same way in his mind. </p>
<p>“I think… now that you’re both sort of okay, it’s worth a shot” she looked so sure with those words coming out of her mouth, he couldn’t help but feel that same confidence. </p>
<p>He nodded slowly and watched her cast the biggest smile he’s ever seen on her. “Perfect. Then you’re ready to call him, yeah?”</p>
<p>“… huh?” he eloquently said. She laughed softly and went back to just sitting shoulder to shoulder. </p>
<p>“I was actually sent here to tell you you’re officially discharged from medical attention; your last scans are clean” she fist-bumped him “and you’re ready to receive visits” </p>
<p>Bucky mulled the news over for a couple of minutes. He knew, technically, that he was okay or they wouldn’t have let him wander off for the past three days, and also he felt different, he didn’t feel like there was a dormant part of himself deep in his brain like he had all that time from the fall of the triskelion to the moment he went under cryo in Wakanda. He didn’t need to worry about the triggers anymore, and a lot more memories were coming back, more that he thought he could regain in such a short period of time. Not all of them were good, but they’d never been. </p>
<p>“Also, you get to officially become part of this century and all the technology it carries” Shuri tossed a small black thing at him and he didn’t even turn as his right hand catches it on the air.</p>
<p>Bucky inspects the Stark phone she handed him as the screen comes to life and as his screensaver… a picture of Steve sitting on the floor, cross-legged, in front of Bucky’s cryo tube, a sketchpad on his lap. </p>
<p>“When did you take this?” he almost whispers, his eyes fixed on Steve’s soft and focused expression, the one he only gets when he draws. Bucky suddenly feels the crushing need to know what was on that piece of paper on the blond’s hand. </p>
<p>“I don’t know, on one of the gazillion days he did that” she shrugged easily. He whips his head to look at her, incredulous, and she chuckles lightly. “The first three days he didn’t even leave the medical ward, Bucky… T’challa had to promise him he’d have unrestricted access anytime, so the Captain would finally go to his room and shower”. </p>
<p>“It’s not even hard to believe” Bucky grumbled, shaking his head “Fucking stubborn jerk” </p>
<p>“After that, he pretty much visited every day, asked for updates, talked to you. Once we realized the process really was far from finished, T’Challa contacted Sam and Natasha and they came here, tried to persuade him to go on missions with them” she shrugs.</p>
<p>That explained it, then. That explained why Steve wasn’t there when Bucky woke up.<br/>
When they took him out of the cryo tube, his body has limp, unresponsive, but his mind had been almost fully awake and even though he felt a bit sluggish and wasn’t really able to focus on anything for a couple of hours, he knew who was moving around him, he heard the sliding door open and close several times, heard someone typing next to him, felt the tubes being drawn out of his veins, even heard king T’Challa come in and ask for the report on his status. But he didn’t hear Steve, he knew from the moment he was taken out that the blond man wasn’t there.  </p>
<p>A part of him knew it probably was for the best, in those first hours he didn’t know if it had worked yet, and he wouldn’t have been all that surprised to hear a doctor tell their king their efforts had been fruitless. He also knew seeing Steve there the moment he opened his eyes would’ve made him feel a bit guilty, knowing he’d waited in that place for weeks, months to see him out of cryo. </p>
<p>Then, something Shuri had said draws his attention and he looks at her, confused. “On missions? So he’s good with Tony again?” he asks. Maybe, if Tony forgave Steve, he could forgive Bucky too. Maybe. </p>
<p>“No” the princess grimaces slightly “the three of them go on undercover missions, mostly small undertakings that the accords don’t think require the Avengers”.</p>
<p>Well, there went his chance of redemption. Also, fuck the accords. </p>
<p>“Do you happen to know where they are right now?” he asks her, trying to sound nonchalant, but the princess just smirks and nods to the device on his phone. </p>
<p>“No, but his number’s already on your new phone” with that, she gracefully gets up off the grass and starts to walk the way she came. A moment later, he hears her stop so he turns to look at her. “You’ll never know unless you try, sergeant.” </p>
<p>“You should write inspirational quotes” he snarks at her without bite, but a second later his smile turns into something sweeter. “Thank you, Shuri”.</p>
<p>She bows slightly and resumes her walk back to the castle. Just when she’s about to disappear behind a hill, she speaks again, not even raising her voice, but he has no doubt she knows he’ll hear her anyway. “I wanna be invited to the wedding, that’s all”. He groans out loud and she disappears cackling. </p>
<p>Alone once more, Bucky lets himself fall back on the grass, now looking up at the darkening sky. The phone on his hand feels like it’s boring a hole through his skin, and he knows he’s not strong enough to fight the urge to talk to Steve. And the thing is, he doesn’t want to anymore. It doesn’t feel like the time after the fall of the triskelion, when he knew Steve was better off away from him. This time, Bucky was no longer a threat, and even putting his own complicated feelings aside, he knew Steve missed his friend. </p>
<p>So he took a deep breath and unlocked the phone, once more feeling like his whole body was being flooded with something warm at the sight of Steve on the screen. His heart was beating faster and faster with every passing second as he opened his contacts, seeing Steve’s name right on top of the unsurprisingly short list; only Sam, Natalia and Shuri were saved there too. He knew stalling was not gonna get him anywhere, so he took another encouraging breath and with a single tap of his finger… He called the man he loved.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It matters how this ends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Get in, loser, were going to Wakanda” Sam declares then. </p><p>Steve understands the reference. He loves that movie. </p><p>“Bucky, I’m on my way” he says to the phone as he climbs in the back of the car, Nat slipping in the driver’s seat. Obviously. </p><p>“I’ll be here, Stevie” is his answer, and it just… It sounds like a promise.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here it is, finally. Hope you guys like it &lt;3</p><p>Title taken from "All I ask" by Adele.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He missed this. He really missed the feeling of the paper beneath his fingertips, the way his hand automatically knows how to hold the pencil, the charcoal smudges he inevitably leaves on the edges of the ivory sheet. He missed being able to lose himself in his head while he drew things and people he knew the traces to, the ones he’d drawn over and over again, and he also missed the concentration he felt as he portrayed something or someone for the first time. </p><p>Right this moment, nothing could tear his eyes away from the slight frown of Sarah’s lips as she shot him that worried look whenever he got home after a fight. He could never get her to stop worrying, no matter how many times he told her he’d be fine. </p><p>He’s been thinking a lot about her for the past two days, ever since he returned from this one mission, a hostage situation, one of the women that was held had the exact same shade of blond his ma had. Her eyes were also blue, but they weren’t all that similar. He got home immediately after the mission and drew Sarah laughing, because he needed to see something other that the frightened expression on her face. He hadn’t stopped; his coffee table now holds eight different portraits of her, all in different expressions. </p><p>He's so focused on getting the shape of her lips right that he doesn’t hear the shrilling sound of his phone the first few times it rang, just registered it as a new sound around him, something that hadn’t been there before. But then it keeps making noise and he can’t ignore it. He sets the pad and pencil on top of the coffee table and plucks his phone from between the couch cushions. </p><p>The screen shows an unregistered number, not that unusual, but something about the code makes him immediately pick up. He doesn’t dare hope to hear T’Challa’s voice, maybe it really is a random number but… Maybe it isn’t, maybe the king is finally going to tell him Bucky's making progress. Maybe. </p><p>“Hello?” he greets softly, almost hesitantly. There’s a short pause and then…</p><p>“Hey, punk” he hears an almost breathless voice that makes his whole body freeze up, unable even to draw the next breath; after an undetermined period of time that could’ve been seconds or days, he hears a sigh and his muddled brain thinks he can almost see the eyeroll there on Bucky’s face. “You there? Did I brake you or somethin’?”</p><p>“Buck” he gasps, and just like that springs in motion, nearly jumping out of the couch in a frenzy and slipping in the process, but he doesn’t mind. All he can think about was getting to Bucky. </p><p>“There you are, pal” his friend chuckles on the other side, and it all feels incredibly surreal. Maybe he’s dreaming. </p><p>“Jesus, Bucky, how long have you been awake? Why didn’t they call me sooner? Where are you right now?” as he fires the questions, he tucks the phone between his shoulder and ear and grabs the first hopefully clean clothes he can find, shoving them into a small duffel bag. </p><p>There’s another chuckle and his heart gives a painful lurch against his ribcage because it has been an awfully long time since he last heard that. “Still in Wakanda, woke up a couple days ago, was waiting for the last scans to be clean and all that” Bucky explains. Steve wants to interrupt and ask why the hell he hadn’t called sooner, but he also wants to keep hearing that beautiful voice. “Shuri gave me this phone just now and um… she said I was cleared for visits”</p><p>There’s clear hesitation in Bucky’s voice as he says that and it makes Steve slow down a bit, the bag slung at his back and in the process of tying up his left shoe. </p><p>But why? Did he not want Steve to visit? No, that wasn’t it or Bucky wouldn’t have said anything about it. Did Bucky think Steve wouldn’t want to visit? Maybe he thought Steve was scared or something like that. ‘Can’t have that’ Steve thinks with determination and stands up, heading for the apartment door.  At the last second his eye catches the drawings he’d just been doing, the gray folder with all of Bucky’s in it was half hidden under Sarah’s more recent ones. On a whim he picks the folder out and secures it under his arm. Now he can go. </p><p>“Good, cause I’m literally out the door” he says shamelessly, trying to convey just how much he needs wants to see him. That draws another short laugh from Bucky, and Steve just has to know, “Buck, you sound better… Are you better?”</p><p>His friend hums and for a few seconds there’s no answer. By the time Steve’s stepping out of the building and Bucky still hasn’t said anything, he starts to worry, maybe he shouldn’t have…</p><p>“I’m feeling great, Stevie… I… I didn’t know I’d feel like this again” Bucky finishes in a whisper.</p><p>Steve’s heart once again jumps upon hearing that and he can’t help the huge smile that spreads on his face. He’s so incredibly focused on the phone call that he starts walking down the street, not really knowing where, and doesn’t notice the person watching him with an amused smile. </p><p>“Going somewhere, Cap?” he hears and whips around to face Natasha, leaned against that extravagant black car of hers. Sam’s waiting in the passenger seat already. </p><p>“Nat, what…?” he starts asking, but Bucky’s on the other side of this phone call and Steve just can’t put two and two together right now. </p><p>“Get in, loser, were going to Wakanda” Sam declares then. </p><p>Steve understands the reference. He loves that movie. </p><p>“Bucky, I’m on my way” he says to the phone as he climbs in the back of the car, Nat slipping in the driver’s seat. Obviously. </p><p>“I’ll be here, Stevie” is his answer, and it just… It sounds like a promise. </p><p>Thankfully, Bucky hangs up before he can hear the strangled noise that comes out of Steve’s mouth. He doesn’t want to cry, he really doesn’t, because this is good news, this is fucking fantastic news. Bucky’s awake, and he is better than Steve had expected, he sounds so happy. </p><p>Steve lets his head hit the back of the seat as a few tears slip past his closed lids. </p><p>“You okay, Cap?” he hears Sam ask from the front seat. </p><p>He sighs and manages to nod his head a bit. “I don’t even know why… I mean, he’s okay” he murmurs, quickly wiping away the wetness from his face. </p><p>“That sounds like plenty of reason to cry, Steve” Natasha says softly. “You’ve been worried about him for a long time now.”</p><p>She’s right. Bucky has been on his mind every single day since that first encounter at the bridge, even during missions that required his complete concentration, even when he swore he felt happy and relaxed, he couldn’t help but wonder where Bucky was, if he was safe, if he was struggling, if… he had spared even one thought to Steve too. And then, after the fight with Tony and going back to cryo, he wondered all the time if it’d work, if Bucky would wake up any time soon, and if he did, if he’d want to see Steve. There was no way of knowing just how much Bucky would remember, and Steve was sure there were a thing or two that could make Bucky think twice before calling him. </p><p>But here they are. </p><p>The short ride to the abandoned warehouse where they chose to keep the quinjet this time is silent after Natasha’s words, and Steve appreciates that his friends know him enough to pick the right times to talk and also recognize when he’s just too far gone in his own head. </p><p>“So, how’d you know?” Steve asks them while carrying a few bags from the trunk of the car to the quinjet. </p><p>“Shuri texted me an hour ago saying she was on her way to give Bucky a phone” Nat answers with a quirk of her lips. “Wasn’t hard to figure out you’d be out the door seconds after hearing your darling's voice.”</p><p>There’s something else in her voice, she’s implying something Steve doesn’t feel like discussing, so he makes a non-committal noise and climbs on the jet, followed by Nat and Sam, who closes the hatch behind himself. </p><p>They are in the air seconds later. Steve makes himself as comfortable as he can be in one of the benches behind Natasha, pulling out his sketchbook, but before he can even open it Sam sits right in front of him, on the opposite side of the narrow corridor. He has his ‘therapist’ face on, though, so Steve is very much inclined to just ignore him. He doesn’t get the chance. </p><p>“Are we gonna talk about it now?” his friend asks right away, not even bothering with small talk first.</p><p>Steve narrows his eyes a bit before deciding to play stupid, though he knows with both Sam and Natasha here, his chances of getting away from this are slim.  </p><p>“Talk about what?” he still asks, earning a snort from Nat. </p><p>“Steve, in about 5 hours you’re going to be standing in front of the man you’ve been pining on probably since before the freaking war, we don’t have time for games” she declares, switching on the autopilot on the jet and taking a seat next to Steve. </p><p>Well, he’s surrounded now. </p><p>“I have not been pinning…” he mutters stubbornly. </p><p>The thing is, they’re right. He has been in love with Bucky probably his entire life, even if he only realized that when he thought he’d lost him. Hearing that soldier say the 107th had been captured and most of them were dead… he hadn’t felt fear and pain like that before… not even when his mom died; that had been different, he’d been heartbroken and lost but he knew it was going to happen, Sarah had been really sick for a long time. And he had Bucky, he made sure to let Steve know it’d be the two of them from then on. The thought of losing Bucky after all was unbearable. </p><p>So, he did a stupid thing and went looking for him, cause that’s the only thing he could actually do.  If there was an infinitesimally small chance that Bucky was still alive, Steve was going to try, and he’d find him. He hears people say all the time that he was the bravest soldier to ever grace the earth for what he did in Azzano, but the truth was… he just had a pretty damn good incentive. Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t’ve saved those men anyway, but maybe he would’ve cone it the authorized way. </p><p>Seeing Bucky, lying on that stretcher, so vulnerable and practically unconscious was a hard blow, Steve was used to seeing always the tough and overprotective side of him, always taking care of the scrawny Steve. The tables were turned now, Steve had to take care of and protect Bucky, and he couldn’t be prouder about his choice to completely disregard his colonel’s orders, because his friend was alive.</p><p>That night, watching Bucky sleep next to him in the tent, Steve realized what he felt for the man was not the fraternal love he always thought it to be. He was in love with him.</p><p>He expected a panic attack at the realization, but it never came; all Steve felt was warmth and the absolute certainty that as long as Bucky was by his side, he could do anything.</p><p>He really did try to keep his mouth shut about it, but after a couple weeks it just slipped. He’d been lying wrapped around Bucky one night, and as he heard his shivering breaths and felt his heartbeat against his own body, Steve could do nothing but whisper those three words. They fell on deaf ears. Or… more like asleep ears. </p><p>But then Bucky died. A big part of Steve died with him.</p><p>And here they were now, close to 75 years later, both very much alive and Steve still undeniably in love with Bucky. </p><p>Steve lets out the longest of sighs before squaring his shoulders and looking Sam straight in the eye. “I love him. I’m pretty sure I’ve always loved him” he didn’t expect to feel so light after saying those words to another person. </p><p>He knows both Nat and Sam suspected something like this, if the not-so-discreet hints were anything to go by, but… this is Steve baring his feelings to them. It feels good. </p><p>“Okay” Sam nods, not even pretending to be surprised, “why didn’t you say anything before?”</p><p>“We were in a war, I couldn’t exactly...” Steve starts, a bit put off, but Sam shakes his head and interrupts. </p><p>“No, man, I kinda get why you didn’t tell him, but why didn’t you talk to us?” he clarifies. “I mean, you knew we kinda suspected after the whole Winter Soldier thing, so I’m trying to figure out why every time we tried to bring it up you’d just shut us out entirely.”</p><p>“Were you ashamed?” Nat ventures as kindly as she can, but Steve can tell she doesn’t really think that’s it. </p><p>“No, I... I did some research a few weeks after waking up, discovered that being queer in this century is different than before” he says distractedly. </p><p>Sam smiles a bit a that but continues trying to figure him out. “So Steve Rogers being queer was okay, but did it worry you that people wouldn’t accept a queer Captain America?”</p><p>“It crossed my mind once or twice, but the thing is...” he thinks about his next words and realizes this is the answer to their original question. “The thing is, I wasn’t going to come out because Bucky was gone, and I knew there was no way I could be with another man” he shrugs, “and the reason I didn’t tell you guys after the bridge was that I wasn’t sure I was gonna see him again, didn’t know if he’d come back to me so... why get my hopes up?”</p><p>His friends mull his words over carefully and when Sam purses his lips in a specific way, Steve knows he’ll get his ear chewed. </p><p>“You’re an idiot” is what Steve hears and he can’t help but laugh because, what the hell is new? “For several reasons actually, but let’s start with this: coming out of the closet is not a means to an end, it’s not supposed to depend on whether or not you’re in a relationship, so saying you weren’t gonna come out cause Barnes was gone is... not a healthy way to think” Sam’s voice is steady and friendly, but he sounds every bit the therapist he is. “Your sexuality is more than just who you choose to date, it’s a part of who you are and it depends of nothing and no one.”</p><p>That’s... interesting, and definitely not the way Steve had thought of it. For him, it truly didn’t matter what he was because there was no one he wanted to be with anymore. And, he figured once, even if he chose later on to engage in informal relationships he knew it wouldn’t be with men. He couldn’t.<br/>
But hearing Sam explain it this way makes him feel, as usual when they had talks like this, like Steve is more than the captain. </p><p>“You’re also an idiot because you were planning on keeping this huge part of yourself hidden, carrying a burden like this on your own” Natasha is less of a therapist and more of a no-nonsense best friend. </p><p>He loves them both. </p><p>“Man, I’m starving” Sam suddenly huffs, and Steve knows this is just an intermission to let his mind settle a bit before continuing their talk. </p><p>They share a few subs and beers Nat picked up on the way before Sam pulls a big bag of chocolate covered cranberries, Steve’s favorite candy. The next couple hours consist of making small talk and joking around, bantering as usual, Nat standing up a couple times to check they’re still on the right route. </p><p>After a few minutes in silence, Nat turns to look at him with an expression he doesn’t often see on her face, she looks open and soft as she just stares for a few moments. Then, she takes one of his hands in hers. </p><p>“Are you gonna tell him?” she asks in a gentle voice. </p><p>That is the question, isn’t it?</p><p>“I have no idea” he answers truthfully. “Do you guys think I should?”</p><p>“It’s gotta be your decision, Steve. You have to figure out what’s gonna be best for you, you know?”</p><p>Steve snorts and shakes his head a bit. “What’s best for me is living the rest of my life with that man” it feels like such an intimate confession, but his friends are more than worthy of seeing the vulnerable side of him, he knows. </p><p>Nat smiles widely at that. “Sounds to me like it’s worth a shot, then.”</p><p>“What if I end up driving him away from me though?” Steve can’t help but wonder. </p><p>The three of them are quiet for the next few minutes, each thinking on it from different perspectives. The first one to break the silence is, unsurprisingly, Sam. </p><p>“That’s where being brave comes into frame, I think. And where you decide what weighs more.” </p><p>Steve looks at him quizzically, so Nat helps out. “Simply put, there’s two dramatic options: option number one, he loves you too, you get married and have a bunch of kids for me to spoil” Steve full on laughs then but she carries on. “Option number two: ... he can’t live with the idea of you loving him and decides he doesn’t wanna see you anymore, in which case we’ll know he isn’t worthy of your love anymore”</p><p>It hurts, thinking about it that way. But for some reason that second option sounds wrong, Steve simply can’t see Bucky reacting that badly. Unless... unless his years of brainwashing managed to turn him into a different person, though he doubts that too. </p><p>Sam voices what’s on Steve’s mind right then. “Of course there’s a bunch of things that can happen in between, I mean... maybe he begins to figure out he can love you too, or maybe he’s sure he’s straight but tells you he still loves you as a brother.”</p><p>And that hurts too. Maybe not as much, but living the rest of his life around Bucky with one sided feelings... Steve doesn’t think he’d make it. </p><p>They’re silent again, this time for almost half an hour, until Natasha goes over again to the cockpit and sits on the pilot’s chair, switching off the autopilot mode. </p><p>“We’ll be there in 45, you guys”</p><p>Shit. Steve’s got less than a freaking hour to figure out what, or if, he’s going to tell Bucky about all this. Why can’t he just... turn off this part of his heart and go back to them being a couple of best friends? </p><p>A voice in his head whispers: ‘Because that’s never been all this was’ and well... the voice is right. Steve had never considered back in the forties that their relationship could be romantic, cause it couldn’t be, but thinking back now it made perfect sense to think Steve had always felt this way. </p><p>He can’t help but draw out these small moments where he’d thought maybe Bucky felt the same way, when he’d catch him just staring at Steve while he did whatever, or those times when Steve nearly died of pneumonia and he was just about lucid enough to hear Bucky’s muffled sobs, his quiet prayers. </p><p>One time, he’d heard him say ‘Please don’t take him away from me, Sarah, I ain’t done...” and the rest sounded a lot like ‘loving him’ but Steve was never sure, and he certainly didn’t ask. </p><p>Before he knows it, trees appear in front of the quinjet, their shapes dark against an even darker sky, and Steve knows he’s out of time. So he squares his shoulders and stands up, trying to get into the same headspace he gets in whenever there’s a mission to focus on. </p><p>This is a mission too. He needs to get intel and assess the situation in order to decide the best course of action. </p><p>He tells as much to his friends and earns a proud look from Sam and an amused smile from Natasha.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure we can summon Thor and his mead if things go south” she shrugs playfully. </p><p>“Good to know you’re rooting for me, Romanoff” Steve scoffs, only half joking. </p><p>Sam stands next to him as the jet touches down on Wakandan soil and pats him on the back. “We are man... we really are”.</p><p>Steve’s last thought before the jet's hatch opens is ‘I got a good feeling about this’.</p><p>And then he’s left staring at one James Buchanan Barnes, T’Challa’s palace all lit up behind him and making Bucky look like a prince from a fairytale. </p><p>‘Will we get out happy ending, then?’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry, this took longer than I expected but I had a different idea and ended up changing a whole chunk at the last minute. Hope you liked it ;) </p><p>As always, comments are more than wecome and they spur me on, so don't be shy :D</p><p>In case anyone’s wondering, they get to Africa in 5 hours cause I did some digging and found that the quinjet (in the MCU) goes at a speed of about Mach 2, which covers 2469.4 km per hour and there’s approximately 11833.47 km from New York to Kenya, a canonically neighbour country to Wakanda. </p><p>I... am not even sorry.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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